A Real Man

"A real man doesn't make love to a million diffent women. A real man loves one woman a million different ways."

Brain Dump - Lust/Addiction

The Addictive Cycle
- Preoccupation
- Ritualization (drive-by, enquiry, surfing)
- Acting Out
- Shame

Four Common Threads of Distorted Thinking
- Rekindling/Re-experiencing Infatuation (Law of Diminishing Returns - bigger thrills required)
- I'm a bad, unworthy person
- No one would love me if they really knew me
- Sex is my most important need

Addict Defined
- He's hooked and he can't say no.
- The subject of his addiction gives him two things: pleasure and an illusion of intimacy

Sexual experiences swing our moods.

Walking in the Light
1. Know who you are in Christ (Rom 6)
2. Believe you live with Christ
3. Give yourself to God
4. Don't give lust a foothold

Three Elements of Victory

To my...
Consequences of Lust
Benefits of Purity
Relationship with God
Failing, Hell
See God
Divorce, lost of trust/closeness
Love that lasts a lifetime, rejoicing with mate
Single-parent kids, generational curses
Generational blessing
Loss of productivity, Loss of job
Increase productivity, Better raises
Degrading, HIV/AIDS
Smashed, soiled
Poor, suicidal
Good outlook

Brain Dump - Hosanna

"Save Now", "Please Save", "Save us from this hell we're living in"

Need saving:
- From this hell I'm living in
- From the hell I'm headed to

The prayer of Hosanna regarding the Kingdom (Mark 11:10):
1. That it would come - in light, knowledge, power, efficacy
2. That it would conquer - and be victorious over all opposition
3. That it would continue - though it may be disturbed, may it nver be destroyed (Ps 72:17)

Matt 1:21 - Call His name Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins (Jesus: Jehovah is Salvation)
Matt 8:25 - Disciples: Save us, we perish
Matt 14:30 - Peter, sinking, Save me
Matt 18:11 - Son of man came to save that which is lost
Matt 27:42 - He saved others; himself He cannot save
Luke 9:56 - The Son of man is not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them

So great is the need for a Savior to have someone to save, that if you don't ask for help, the rocks will.

If you want to learn how to praise, watch a child (preschooler)

Matt 21:9,15 - out of the mouths of babes thou hast perfected praise
Mark 11:9-10
Luke 19:38-40 - stones cry out
John 12:13
Ps 118:25 - Save now, I beseech thee, O Lord. O Lord, I beseech thee, send now prosperity.

Prosperity: to advance, prosper, make progress, succeed, be profitable.

Cool Letters: First-Time Giver

[I love this letter that Oak Leaf Church sends first-time givers. This should be fairly easy to do -- Any first-time givers would be quickly detected because they would not have any record in whatever program or process the church uses to issue giving receipts.]

September 5, 2007

Dear Neil,

On behalf of the staff at Oak Leaf church, I wanted to thank you for your recent financial contribution. As far as we can tell, this may have been the very first time that you gave to Oak Leaf.

We started this church one year ago to reach out to the thousands of people in and around Cartersville who do not go to church anywhere. We are seeing lives changed, marriages strengthened, and children learn to love Jesus.

We work very hard to make sure the money is handled with integrity. We have a finance team who helps prepare an annual budget and make sure everything is spent appropriately. We conduct an annual audit becasue we want to be above reproach.

Thank you for supporting the mission and vision of this church. Because of your generosity, we will be able to reach out to people far from God and lead them to Jesus. You play a huge part in that process.

If you have any questions about the church in general, or the finances in particular, you can always call our office at NNN-NNN-NNNN. You can also e-mail person@domain. Thank you for your generous contribution.


Michael Lukaszewski
Lead Pastor

Declaration of Imperfection

From this day forward, I, Kenneth Row, declare myself to be an imperfect parent, living with an imperfect spouse, rasing imperfect children. I hereby recognize that as a human being I have made mistakes in the past and will amek even more in the future. Although I am not excited about my mistakes, I am excited about my growth.

I have decided that I will no longer be handcuffed by my fear of the future, nor will I be crippled by remorese for the past. When I make a mistake, I will learn from it, I will grow from it, and I will progress beyond it. I will pick myself up and not put myself down.

I have come to realize that my worthiness of love is not tied to my accomplishments. As I become a better parent, I will share my shortcomings with my family so that they may also grow from my mistakes. I have decided that from this day forward, I will no longer be driven by a passion for perfections. Instead, I will be inspired by my preference for progress and my desire for growth.

Brain Dump - Cost of Indulgence

I Cor 6:13
- meats fo rhte belly, the belly for meats
- Answers, "that's how I was made"
- "If God didn't want me to ____, then why did He ____?"

Appetites are natural, God-given.
God also created means to satisfy those cravings.

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomache."

Why did David pour out the water the three mighty men retrieved for him?
- appetitie
- opportunity --> entitlement
- cost of indulgence

II Samuel 23:15-17

I Cor 6

Abraham Maslow - Needs/Desires
- Transcendence
- Self-Actualization
- Aesthetic
- Learning
- Esteem
- Belonging
- Security
- Physical

Phil 3:18-19 -- enemies of the cross... whose god is their belly.

I Cor 9:27 - I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection.

Galations 5:24 - They that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

Brain Dump - Remarkable

Think your church is remarkable? If nobody's remarking, then it may just be average.

How can one know if their church is remarkable? Check to see if anyone's remarking.

Jesus was remarkable -- His "fame went out"; He "grew in favor with God and men".
The early church was -- "those that turned the world upside down..."

Ever notice that Starbucks never advertises on TV? No need -- they are remarkable.

Red Herrings for Remarkability (Distractions, Dead-Ends)
- Traditional Marketing
- Logos
- Money and/or Funding

Real-World Examples of "the best" or "remarkable"
- Janko's Little Zagreb - best steak
- Taquiera Los Amigos - best tacos & salsa
- Starbucks - no ads, consistent delivery
- Greek's - best pizza, best kitchen-side table
- Jackson's Gas Station in Bedford - cheaper gas
- BP/Wild Bean Cafe - free samples of coffees & drinks
- Perry Noble - going to camp with teens

Is being remarkable essentially competing with the church down the street?
- Ask self, how badly do you want to keep your best people in your church?

Some remarkability is aesthetics, but aesthetics are not trivial -- ask David or Solomon or Moses how trivial the temple aesthetics were.

"Remarkable doesn't mean remarkable to you. It means remarkable to me. Am I going to make a remark about it? If not, then you're average, and average is for losers." - Seth Godin

Antonyms for Remarkable:
- underwhelming
- average

Actions or Steps Towards Remarkability:
  • Improve on your strengths. Pr 22: "See a man who skills in his work..."

  • Create. Don't Copycat

  • Eliminate Repulsive Distractions

  • "Be the change you want to see in others."
    "Lead yourself first."
    "If you have to tell someone you are, then you aren't."

  • "Covet to Prophesy"
    - Genuine prophesy is always remarkable.
    - It'll cause a sinner to fall down and worship God.

  • Involve Others

  • Undersell and Over-deliver
God's people should be remarkable.
- Christ came to give us "life more abundantly" (super-abundant).
- Christians should get the best raises, be the last to be let go, win the employee-of-the-month awards over and again.
They will "know we are Christians by our love."
"let your love be without dissimulation."

Brain Dump - Strategies for Reaching the Lost

Are we reaching the lost or just the already convinced?
- How many baptized?
- What percent of growth?

Much of what we do is geared for our crowd.
- the worship
- the word
- the announcements

Much outreach is to those like us
- "You would like our church. You would fit in."

Church advertising is aimed at church people.
ToDo: Collect samples of ads - newspapers, web, signs, ...

To gain the lost...
- Must replace "come y'all" with "go ye"
  . go into highways and byways and compel them to come
  . the woman at the well said, come and see, but only after she went
  . "Launch into the deep"

- How many unsaved friends to you have?
  . Matthew parties - the newly converted still have unsaved friends.

- Must realize the lost won't respond to our ads.
  . The exception is the previously churched
    - The two groups of sinners Christians most often pray for:
      . The previously churched (aka backsliders)
      . Unsaved loved ones
  . Vince Antonucci's story of visiting a church for the first time
  . ToDo: Collect pics of buildings/clubs around town (VFW, Lions, Elks, ...)
  . The point: I've never been to the Lions club. I don't even know if they'd let me in. Do I have be have a membership? Do I have to be invited? What happens inside the Lions' club?

- The Engle Scale

- Tolerance/Grace (we are the ambassadors/custodians of grace).

Albert Mehrabian - the 7%/38%/55% Rule

Note that the following rule, per Mehrabian, applies to discerning whether one likes or dislikes a thing. Critics state that the rule cannot be expanded to public speaking and that the 7/38/55 numbers are imprecise.

The 7/38/55 Rule:

If there is any "incongruency" between words, vocal tone, or body language, the hearer gets more meaning from what they see than what they hear. 55% of meaning is derived visually, 38% from the vocal tone, and only 7% from the actual words.

Kim Meyer - Communications Filters/Evaluations

Filter for communcations (web, brochures, etc.):
  • Is it a tool, or is it just cool?
  • What problem is it solving?
  • What is the return on ministry?

Three Evaluations for Anything:
  1. Is it appealing? Why would another spend their time on or in this?
  2. Is it engaging?
  3. Is it helpful?

Bert Decker - The Preparation Triangle

What's my point?
|..> What action do I want people to take?
What's the benefit in it for them?

Tim Stevens - Ingredients to Buzz

You must believe in your core that:
  • People matter to God
  • It is important for people to meet God and to come into relationship with Him.
Buzz only happenbs if you're having an impact.
Impact: an immediate and strong effect.

Understand the language (pop-culture).
Speak the language.
Leverage the culture -- use culture to God's advantage.
[Think of how missionaries work.]
"Speaking someone's language is the first step toward gaining a hearing from them."

Buzz can be sustained only if your church is doing that to which it has been called: Working to change lives.

Mark Hughes -- Six Things People Talk About

  1. The unusual
  2. The outrageous
  3. The Taboo
  4. The Hilarious
  5. The Remarkable
  6. The Secretive

Mark Hughes - Buzz Marketing.

Rick Clendenen - Notes from BFWC on 4/5/09

God puts people in your life for reasons and seasons.

Matthew 20:20-28 (the 20/20 vision of leadership)

"Go Getters to Go Givers"

J.D. Parrish - "Wounds ooze blood but scars ooze wisdom". A man entering the church foyer once called out, "Is there any wisdom in here?" J.D. Parrish responded, "There should be -- there's plenty of scars!"

  1. There is a difference between the world's way and God's way.
  2. Leadership's going to cost you something -- salvation's free, but not it's not cheap.
  3. Kingdom promotion comes through submission. Submission means moving without detail -- you don't have to have the t's crossed and i's dotted.
  4. Your level of authority equals your level of submission.
  5. Leaders must set the example of what they want in their leaders

Five Lessons Learned:

The Law of Value
Matt 10:29-31
There is a difference between value and cost/price.
America knows the cost of everything, but the value of nothing.
True worth is not your paycheck.
Value is what you leave in others.

The Law of Compensation
Matt 6:31-34
Income determined by ___?

The Law of Influence
Ps 75:6-7
Your influence is determined by how much you place the needs of others above your own.

The Law of Authenticity
I Cor 13:1-3
Must be the same in and out of church.
Must be real.

The Law of Reciprocation
Gal 6:6-10
The key to being able to effectively give is to be able to humbly receive.
What if God wanted us to give $1 million? Most of us would have to receive it first.
God wants to get us to where we are giving amounts we don't have.

Brain Dump - Effective Communication

SUCCEsS (From Made to Stick):

Make everything as simple as possible, but no simpler. - Einstein

Preach your own sermons
  • Dripping with your own blood, sweat, and tears
  • Given for your place and time
Prepare on your knees (or your face)

Make it visual
  • A movie
  • Act it out
  • Big pictures
Know your point
  • Is it to transfer information?
  • Or is it to bring about change?

Richard C. Borden's Speech Method

Imagine a crowd that yells the following four questions...
  1. Ho-hum!
  2. Why bring that up?
  3. For instance?
  4. So what?

The remedies:
  1. Start a fire
  2. Build a bridge
  3. Get down to cases
  4. Ask for action